Rather than looking into the past I am trying to focus on the this moment. At least that’s what I am learning to do. With this constant pain I endure and the reality that this is it. It’s so hard not to look at old pictures of my children and memories of when they were younger. Thinking do they even remember me before I was diagnosed? Do they remember the mom I was before I was in pain all the time? Living in this moment is hard.
Sometimes I want to skip a bit into the future… What will I be then? A better wife, better mom, better me? Or still just in pain just a few less years of my life.
Maybe one of the lessons of “living in the moment” is not dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. I can’t change anything. I can’t make what I have magically go away. It’s here.. Deal with it!