Fear

I’ve never thought of myself as a fearful person. I’ve tried to look at life with all the usual  clichés. You know the ones, “glass half full not empty” or “no pain, no gain” or one of my favorites “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”.

Today I took a moment to step away from my job that by the way runs 7 days a week. That is generally what happens when you own your own company. I stepped away from my children who I find myself becoming shorter and shorter with. I stepped away from my husband who since he broke his leg has needed all of my attention. I walked away from my home and went to one of my favorite gardens right outside of the City

I sat there just me, myself and I. I’ve realized that I have become fearful of my future. Of my children’s future. Of my husbands future. I have always known that when it is my time to go, well it’s my time to go. But with glaring truths in front of you it makes it so much more real.

I want to see what any parent wants to see. I want to see my children graduate. I want to see them get married. See my grandchildren some day. Not only the big things in life but all the small things.

What I realized today I only have a few options in my life. Take charge, go to all of my Dr appointments and get this shit done and stop being fearful. Or, cancel everything. If I pretend that nothing is going on then I’m sure I can wish it all away.

Advertisements