Someday

Today is not someday. Today is the day you are 15. Today is the day you lash out at everything I say. Yell at me, tell me you hate me and I’m the worst mom ever. Today is the day you seem to hate me and everything I do. Today is the day I disappoint you, embarrass you, anger and make you sad.

Someday you will realize everything I’ve ever done was out of love. Someday you will know that you are my world. Someday you will know I fought for you, for you to be my child! Someday you will realize you are my everything.

But today is not someday. We have to live with today.

Strength

Looking into your kind eyes

you beg me not to go

Frail and scared

you try to shake of the anxiety

You say “Hold Me close, don’t let go”

 

I hold you close

closer than ever before

You tell me how strong you are!

Yes Nana, you’re the strongest person I know

 

2015

Wow what a crap start to a year…

I can’t be alone on this one. I am not sure what to do when I see all the pictures of all the Happy people saying Happy New Year. Be happy for them or cry inside…

The last thing I got out of 2014 was a great big hug out of my daughter and a great big kiss from my husband. With BIG hopes of 2015 came Great big disappointments… like always when you hope for the best what happens??? I woke up with the biggest Migraine. Puking by 5/6am my Dr.s office closed all day. My neurologist is on vacation for two weeks so I cant even get in with him anyways. His partner isnt much help. They just tell me to go to the ER for Infusions… Otherwise I can go in Monday at 8:30am for infusions.

Question… when you have had a migraine for two days straight (sick in bed) and they want you to make an apointment to get infusions for 4 days later how does that make sense? I think to myself if I am still in bed 4 days later I will have killed myself by then:) Thanks but no thanks!

I already have daily headaches so I am in daily pain anyways but I manage at a reasonable level. But man is it getting a bit insane… Lack of sleep isnt helping.

Im working on a huge project with our largest contract. Not helping…

My son got in a huge fight with my daughter today when I tried to resolve it it backfired into him attacking me. Ive never seen anything like it. I dont even want to speak to him at this point..

I have court coming up in a few weeks my ex friend who wanted my husband/family/business is sueing me.. Why? Your guess is as good as mine. If I have any luck I won’t be there. My plan is to do what I have done this whole time.. Stay out of it. My life is so much better with the people I have in it now.

Holy crap… I need for 2015 to get better… I can’t even look at this as a “New Year” maybe I just need to take each day as it comes otherwise I am going to drive myself crazy…