Someday

Today is not someday. Today is the day you are 15. Today is the day you lash out at everything I say. Yell at me, tell me you hate me and I’m the worst mom ever. Today is the day you seem to hate me and everything I do. Today is the day I disappoint you, embarrass you, anger and make you sad.

Someday you will realize everything I’ve ever done was out of love. Someday you will know that you are my world. Someday you will know I fought for you, for you to be my child! Someday you will realize you are my everything.

But today is not someday. We have to live with today.

Empty Inside

I am in a room with family. My dog cuddled up to me. But yet… I feel nothing right now, other than the over whelming thought of flight. The thought of running. I haven’t felt this way since I was a child. Huge abandonment issues, never truly feeling wanted or loved. All of those feelings are starting to creep back to the surface I thought I had buried them so deep they could NeVeR be found.

What would happen if I got in my car and left? How long could I get a hotel? How far could I get… How long would it take for them to notice? Would they notice?

I hope that I come out of this soon… There is nothing like feeling empty and alone.

For every tear I shed for you I die a little more inside…

Just Breath…

My chest gets tight
My head, its hurting
I look at you, so little
and your in pain…

Why? Why must this happen
Your not supposed to be like me
your supposed to live
live pain free

No worries, Happy life
No pain…
I wish I could kiss it all away
Pray it gone

If I could I would take it all away. I would rather have your pain then see you cry… I love you my little girl