Stress of today, stress of tomorrow and stress of yesterday.
I am overcome with it! The feeling of my shoulders up at my ears.
I remind myself, relax as I feel them lower back down.
Head pounding, mind racing, eye twitching.
Needing more time in the day,
yet wanting the day to just be over already.
I guess anything worth doing is worth doing right. But what happens when you do not know what the right decision is? You are at a crossroad and each road could take you down completely different paths. Do you just blindly go and hope for the best? Or carefully go through every little detail and hope that you make the right choice?
Ever since I was a little girl and my Papa died and then my father left me I have had strong feelings of abandonment. With that comes the fear of change, the unknowing. I am sometimes a realist, I know things can not and will not stay the same for ever but when your life is going along day to day and things are happy and all of a sudden BOOM, Change! Its a harsh reality and at that point makes you wonder whats next? What else am I going to lose, or what else is going to change in my life tomorrow if tomorrow even comes?
I wish I could go back to when I was a child sometimes. Before my papa died, and before my dad left me. Before my mom who was at that point a stay at home mom had to then get 2-3 jobs at a time to support us, to keep us fed and in our home. If I could relive any moment in my life I believe I would choice that moment when life was calm and I did not have to make the grownup decisions for my family.
Now its unto me… What road do I take? Do I go blindly or think careful about every decision I make.
If you have children or not you know that you were once a teenager.
You made poor decisions, disobeyed your parents or maybe even broke a few laws?
What ever it may be…
What I am asking today is help. Plain and simple. I know as a teenager I made mistakes, I disobeyed my mom, maybe even broke a few laws but what I never really did was disrespect my mom. If I ever crossed that line I made sure to go to my mom and make sure she knew how much I loved her, how much I needed her, how much she ment to me.
Where did I go wrong? My son is disrespectful, rude, the way he talks down to me and to his sister is so dicgusting I can’t handle it. All I have ever tried to show him is love, anything he needs, wants he gets.
I don’t understand… I cant live this way. I already live in pain everyday of my life and to have him treat me the way he does on top of it I cant handle anymore. I have to fix it or…