Someday

Today is not someday. Today is the day you are 15. Today is the day you lash out at everything I say. Yell at me, tell me you hate me and I’m the worst mom ever. Today is the day you seem to hate me and everything I do. Today is the day I disappoint you, embarrass you, anger and make you sad.

Someday you will realize everything I’ve ever done was out of love. Someday you will know that you are my world. Someday you will know I fought for you, for you to be my child! Someday you will realize you are my everything.

But today is not someday. We have to live with today.

Its Kinda Funny…

Im not sure if Funny is the right word to use. Amusing? Or interesting… 

Just a few feelings I have right now. 

As I no longer can wear my mask all the time friends are seeing me in pain. 

For who I am today. Still me Just a pain filled me. 

Its Funny the friends I thought would be in my life are far gone. 

Some others have one foot out the door. 

Others call out of the blue to make sure I am OK.

Ask me out to coffee, or just want to chat… 

Realizing the friends lost and made after being sick is life changing. It still shocks me when friends that know what I am going through think I should be able to do things I just cant. I cant get up and leave the house anytime I want, I cant drive every day, I cant make plans ahead of time. Why might you ask? Because I will most likely have to cancel them because I get to sick to actually leave my house. When I do leave my house I hurt so bad I want/need to get home as soon as I can.

I try to depend on others as little as possible. Less chance of getting hurt. All I ask of my friends is honesty, love, communication. Why some of my friends live with completely other beliefs. But I guess maybe they weren’t friends in the first place…