Today is not someday. Today is the day you are 15. Today is the day you lash out at everything I say. Yell at me, tell me you hate me and I’m the worst mom ever. Today is the day you seem to hate me and everything I do. Today is the day I disappoint you, embarrass you, anger and make you sad.
Someday you will realize everything I’ve ever done was out of love. Someday you will know that you are my world. Someday you will know I fought for you, for you to be my child! Someday you will realize you are my everything.
But today is not someday. We have to live with today.
People come into our life at the time we need them the most
Stop looking, shut your eyes, it will happen
It might even be someone you wouldn’t expect
I just lost one of my very best friends and with her she tried to ruin my marriage. Along with that I was feeling alone, sick, in pain, and very confused.
Out of nowhere I get an email from Sally… My elderly neighbor. She had heard that I was having some health problems and offered to watch my daughter and help out anytime I needed her. She had Migraines when she was my age. Knew how hard it was to raise children while she was in so much pain.
Weeks have gone by and I have thought about Sally. I have a Dr. appointment today for my third round of Botox, yesterday I spent the entire day in the ER and I feel like crud. I called Sally. She was so loving, so caring and wanted to know how she could help. She would love to watch Issa for me and she already has crafts planned. Suggested different meds that her and her daughter had used in the past. The entire talk was so uplifting.
I decided everyone with chronic pain needs their own Sally. Find someone in your life that knows what you are going through. That can talk to you and truly know how it feels! Only someone who has gone through it, experienced it can truly understand.
Its hard to get any of my work done. How am I going to clean. Drive to the store?? My Doctor appointments. Im the one that cooks all of the meals! Takes care of my family. Not to mention the pain, yes! All of the pain I am in!!
My appointment is set for march 13th with a specialist at UW. She is in the headache clinic and right now is working with people with Arnold Chiari! Feel blessed to get in with her but scared at the same time. For anyone that deals with a brain disorder or daily pain, waiting months can seem forever. My neurologist has upped my topamax to 200mg daily added muscle relaxers to my pain meds, sleeping meds, nausea meds, maxalt.
I start my third round of Botox in a few weeks. Haven’t really noticed much from the first two rounds but was told by my neurologist to not expect much until the 4th round of treatment. Crossing fingers that something works.. I’ve had a few surgeries, medical procedures, and lots of meds but so far nothing has clicked for my daily headache, multiple migraines a week. So much pressure..
It will be interesting to see what happens over the next few months for me. How I will keep this pain to my self and live my life, raise my children, be a good wife, run a business, oh.. Keep a clean house and cant forget about the most important things. Cooking meals and LAUNDRY!! Try to smile while doing it because no one wants to see me in pain, sad, or angry. The mask must go on for a few more months.
I would love to hear how other people do it. Even if you don’t have Adult Onset Arnold Chiari, or a brain disorder at all. If life is just rough. How do you make it through some days?